Sunday, January 11, 2015

Motherhood is Hard

A two year old break down at church prompted this post today.  Chloe of course did not want to go to Sunday school.  I knew that she was not going to quietly sit there like an angel because let's get real, she is two years old but this girl was way over the top.  She was spitting, hitting me, screaming, and anything else you could imagine.  At one point, she wanted to write in  a Bible!  Embarrassment was an understatement.  Before having my own child, I was guilty of seeing an uncontrollable child and thinking to myself, "My kid would never act that way."  Now, I understand it is not that easy.

One emotion I rarely ever experienced before Chloe is anxiety.  Now, that is one emotion that is consistent.  People tell you so many things when you are pregnant about being a mother and you nod your head thinking you really know what is in store but in reality, you really don't.  You say things like, " I will never let me child do this..." or "My child will never act that way."  But when they are finally here, we give in on things like letting them eat the cake before dinner and things we said we would never do, we do.

Another emotion that has kicked in is guilt, guilt for everything.  Guilt for leaving your child to work for 8 plus hours.  Guilt for disciplining.  Guilt for that piece of cake that you gave in on.  The list goes on and on and I cannot imagine the guilt ending, at least not for a very long time.  It is a lot to be responsible for a little life that you have to make sure has morals and values and hope they use those morals and values to become a good person.

Being worrisome is probably the most felt emotion.  It all starts at day one when you wake up multiple times in the middle of the night and feel your newborn's chest to make sure it is still moving up and down.  Googling why is my baby's poop green or is this normal for my two year old..., is a constant in my life now. No one tells you how you are always on edge and always thinking about the well being of  your little one.  And as they always say, "There is no pamphlet for parenting."

One thing they do tell you but you still don't fully understand until your child is here, is that it is all worth it.  People tell you that all the time and you believe it but you do not realize how powerful that feeling is until you actually experience it.  They can scream and cry your ears off.  They can piss, shit, and throw up on you, sometimes all at the same time.  They can defy you and test your patience.  But at the moment they smile or pass a milestone for the first time, you immediately soften and that right there is all that matters.  Everything you sacrifice for your little person is all worth it in the end and I have to keep telling myself that.

9 comments:

  1. This is a well written post and absolutely true! Before having kids most people think they will be able to control everything that their child does, but the truth is that kids are individuals with limited self-control. I think most parents have "those moments" with their kids. Hang in there!

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    1. Thank you! You are so right on them being individuals with limited self control. I have to remind myself that she doesn't really know how to control her emotions! Thanks for your comment, helps me know I am not the only one that has those moments.

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  2. This is so true Kasey! I always feel like I am the only one with a child that acts up, so it is kind of refreshing to read that another parent goes through the same thing. I was always that person like you that said my child will never do that. It is very hard and most of the time I am so tired I just want to give in. I try to remind myself that even though she is only one she too can have bad days like me. Thanks for writing this.

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    1. Thanks Alex, your comment made my morning! I always ask myself what I am doing wrong so I am glad it ia not just me. I always have to remind myself of that too and that she doesn't know how to convey her emotions. I swear toddlers are unstable creatures!

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  3. It is all worth it! totally agree. And I agree that you hear all these things about being a parent but it is absolutely nothing compared to living it. The overwhelming love, the exhaustion, all of it. Words could never really describe what it is like to be a mom =)

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    1. Overwhelming is the perfect word for motherhood! Your are so right, there are no rightwords to describe it. Thanks for your comment! I love to hear other moms take on this and to know i am not the only one!

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  4. This is so honest. IT IS SO worth it and I do find myself feeling almost every emotion you listed on a daily basis! We are way too hard on ourselves and sometimes I need to remind myself of that! P.S. Your little lady is lucky to have you!

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  5. I agree with you! And thank you, we always say we are so lucky to have our kiddos so it is nice to hear they are lucky to have us!

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  6. Preach it, Sister! Yes to all of this and then some. But it IS all worth it.

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