Monday, March 30, 2015

What Makes Me Happy Now

Taking Chloe to Sunday school before service on Sunday, I had a realization of just how different I am compared to two years ago.  What makes me happy is far different from what made me happy before Chloe.  Chloe going into Sunday school like a big girl and not making a fuss made me so proud.  And then when I came to get her after service, they said she listened so well and gave me a picture of Jesus she colored.  That melted my heart and filled me with so much joy.  Moments like that make me realize what life is really about.  Living my  life through  my child’s eyes is really what makes me happy over everything. 

While I was pregnant, I was so worried about how I was going to adjust to putting another person before myself at all times and how I would do.  Once I had Chloe, all that worry went away because it was just automatic and there was no question in my head about her needs over mine.  People always say it is different when it is your own child and they are so right. That is actually one of the biggest parts that makes me happy, the selflessness.  The fact that I can be so in love with someone that I will do anything for their well being and enjoy it.  I no longer think about what I want to do on a Saturday or what I want to wear for Easter.  The main and automatic thought is Chloe.  That to me is the most beautiful thing to experience in this life and empowers me as a woman that I get to mother my child.

The things that seem so little and that people do every day become milestones and you feel like you have never seen anyone do them before.  Things like them giving you a high five or waiving make you want to bust out and cry!  I think about how I carried my daughter for nine months and did not even know what she looked like and now she is going to the potty on her own.  It is all just so amazing to me and it makes me realize that it really is a miracle.
 And then on the flip side, I do not think I have ever been happy and relieved about doing things on my own like grocery shopping alone every once in a while.  Eric is off all week and watching Chloe and waking up this morning, I was so tickled that I got that extra 30 minutes since I did not have to wake her up and take her to my mom’s before work.  Little things like that are like gold!  (Even though I feel like something is missing!)

When I look back on what I used to care about and what used to make me happy, I  think of how blessed I really am to have someone bigger to care about.  With all the hardships and guilt I feel about things I think I could be doing better, when I see Chloe smile, hug me, or pass a milestone, I feel the biggest sense of accomplishment.  And through all the chaos of having a two year old, I am happy for that chaos!

Even though my daughter seems to grow rapidly right before my eyes, I cannot remember my life without her!

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  1. Ahhh what a beautiful post. Even the smallest things really do change when you have a kid. I used to spend so much money on buying clothes for myself (not expensive clothes... just SO MANY CLOTHES) and every since having my daughter I myself maybe 10 new clothing items A YEAR... a used to do that twice a month! Instead I buy her new clothes every week and I only ever care about what she looks like.

    1. Thank you! I know, i was the same with clothes but it is soooo much more fun buying for a little one now!

  2. Awe! LOVE this post! I can totally relate! Having these sweet kids brings us back to the simple life- the littlest things make us so happy and we stop stressing about the meaningless stuff! I am with you though, I've never appreciated the small moments I get to myself as much as I do now that I have Mia :)

    1. Aw thanks! They really do and as much as we strive to teach them lessons and raise them, they teach us lessons also on what life is really all about!