Saturday, December 23, 2017

Here Comes Santa Clause...

Christmas is coming in full force and I am not mad about it.  As much as it puts a dent in the funds coming in the house, it is so worth it especially having kids.  Seeing your kids get so excited not to mention being able to pull the "Santa's watching" card is as they say the most wonderful time of the year!  All the festivities and activities that lead up to Christmas Day really make it special to me.  Basically every weekend we try to do at least one thing involving Christmas and Chloe being the mini me she is, loves every bit of it.  So the first thing of the list was to see Santa.

To me, every kid should have a Santa pic where they're clearly terrified.  It is kind of like a hazing, you know since nothing comes free in life.  I remember taking Chloe, my first baby to see Santa for the first time and feeling bad that I wanted her first picture with Santa to be one where she was crying but then feeling so bad when she did but then feeling happy after we paid and saw the pictures we just paid for.  Twisted, right?  So, you can imagine how I felt when Mason did not cry on his first Santa pic last year, but this one above made up for it.  

Another festivity we have partook in was chasing Mason off from the tree.  We put up the tree within the first few days of December and literally the first day Mason pushed the tree completely over.  That was one of four times so far that this little midget knocked it over.  So, now we have a misshapen tree decorated only at the top with lights only at the bottom.  I had so many plans for Christmas tree pics but I have come to terms with the fact that this year's decor is not going to be ideal.  Within the first ten minutes of Mason waking up, he is throwing my cute Christmas throw pillow and throw blankets over the back of the couch.  It is a good thing though because it has never been anything special and it was our very first tree and about time for an upgrade for next year.  See below for the saddest tree you will ever see.

We have went to a light show, went to Winterfest a few times, saw Santa two times, among other things.  As fun as those things are, the reason for the season is what it is all about.  Out of all the wild stories that come out of The Bible (and there are some crazy ones), my favorite is the birth and story of Jesus Christ.  Like most people, I get caught up in wondering if we got enough presents for the kids and why the big dude in red gets all the credit but in the end, that stuff does not matter.  It is about the times spent with family and the love we feel and give.  In the end, isn't that what God wants us all to be about? 

Monday, December 18, 2017


As bad as it hurts, there is growth in grief.  It will hurt like nothing else you have experienced and it will bring you to a place you never thought you could go but it also teaches you a lesson and you never come out of it the same person you were before.  At least this has been my experience.

Every 15th of the month before my mind even comprehends what time of the month it is, I find myself getting sad or mad for the silliest things and I realize another month has gone by without two of my loved ones.  Once those emotions hit, I realize that it is that time again.  On November 15, 2016 I lost my mother and September 15, 2017, I lost my second mother who was my mother's twin.  That is how grief is.  One minute you think you are totally fine and then the next minute, you are in a ball hit with the most intense emotions.

I have had a couple people I love pass but this past year has been the first time I have had someone really close to me pass and it made me realize just how long term grief is.  I have come to terms with the fact that I will always grieve and people are uncomfortable with grief because there is nothing they can do so most likely, it is going to be lonely at times.  I will never stop missing my loved ones and the fact that I will most likely experience every emotion under the sun for my whole life when it comes to them.

I will have times where I am happy when I think about how my mom used to say, "Thank you, Jesus" after everything even a fart.  I will have times that I have gratitude that God gave me two women who would give you the shirt off their back.  I will experience anger and lash out over the littlest things.  I will have sadness that my children will not physically have a grandma here to spoil them.

But at the end of the day, I believe they are together.  My mom is free from cancer, pain, and heartache the world gave her and my aunt is free from being in and out of the hospital.  That to me is what I wish for them and more so how can I stay sad.  Shoot, I am jealous.  They do not have to deal with all the worldly problems.  

The whole experience forces you to really get to know yourself and for me it has been a struggle to be in the trenches of my own sorrow and  just be there.  It is a sad place to be but if you don't really feel the emotions, it will be a sadness I will stay in and never climb out of.  It is one thing to grieve and another thing to let it be an experience that changes you for the worse.  Don't get me wrong, I have had many nights I drink too much wine because I just plainly don't want to deal with it but the key is not getting stuck in that pattern and making that the new way of getting through the days.

There are so many lessons in losing someone especially a parent and what my mother would want is for me to come out of this better than I was before.  I am a firm believer that every single hardship in our lives can teach us something and God will pull you through.  There are so many times I look back of the last few years and wonder how the heck I got through it.  I remember taking my mom to chemo and then her being on hospice and then how many times my aunt was in and out of the hospital and even dying in front of me before the paramedics brought her back to life.  The only reason my family got through those moments are by the grace of God.  


Wednesday, May 24, 2017

The BIG One!

Somehow this child has been on this earth for a whole year.  It went by so fast but I can't remember life without him.

On his actual birthday, we took the kids to a kids gym with all kinds of swings, a zipline, trampoline, and lots of other fun activities.  They had a blast and Chloe even said it was better than the real park.  That is saying something because she is a park feen.
We celebrated his birthday that Sunday and went to an inside water park called Coco Keys here in Kansas City,  The kid loves water so we thought he would love it but we were so wrong.  I think he was confused as to why the water was not warm and why it was flying all over the place!  It did not help that he got splashed the first 10 minutes we were there!  He finally warmed up after a couple hours and just cruised around the lazy river with his daddy. 

We really had the best time and were there for about 6 hours.  The best part was that they were worn out by the time we got home and even slept in a little the next day!

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Easter 2017

“We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has dominion over him.” (Romans 6:9)
So, we took the kids to an Easter parade Saturday and the above picture happened.  Mason literally smiled ear to ear as soon as Eric put him in the Easter bunny's lap.  I just knew he was going to be hysterical because he doesn't even go to family.  He is really stuck at my hip when we are around strangers.  And if that did not make me happy enough, Chloe decided this was her first year she was going to go to the Easter bunny without being scared and she even wanted to go a second time!  I swear they surprise the heck out of me sometimes!  There has been a handful of times that Mason has been called a she and we jokingly call him our little princess due to the deli woman calling him that and I can kinda see why because of the picture below.  The kid is a pretty little boy.  I mean, look at his lashes!  Chloe has always been a beauty so how can I expect anything less!

For the first time ever, Eric and I went to church.  I do not go as often as I should and Eric never goes.  I was so happy when he said he would go with us on Easter.  A week before, he asked me if you stand or sit in church.  He had no clue but I am happy he went for me!  This was my first Easter without my mom but we went to church with my aunt Emogene which is her twin so that comforted me.  Experiencing the first holidays after my mom passing is hard but having my "back up mom" makes things bearable. 

This is the first year I didn't get a cute headband for Chloe's hair.  Seems like something not worth mentioning but if you know me, you know it is a big deal finding the perfect outfit, shoes, and bow for Easter for Chloe.  I decided to go with rhinestone hair pins like you see on prom hair.  I did a little half up half down special occasion up-do situation.  I was proud of myself  because it turned out pretty good!  And I found the perfect little four piece suit on Macy's website for Mason.  He was as handsome as I imagined!

We decided to get Chloe a bike this year for Easter.  It is a little much in my opinion for Easter but we only did it because her birthday is in winter so if we get her a bike then, she won't be able to ride it for  a while.   She was so excited.  Mason was as excited as an almost one year old can be for Easter.

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

My Boy aka Bubsy

Don't get me wrong, I love having a girl but experiencing a boy is magical also.  I am so blessed to get to experience both a girl and a boy.  This boy literally melts my heart 100 plus times a day.   When I was pregnant, I was not quite sure how I would handle having another child because my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer when I was only a few months along.  Once he was born, I knew it was the best thing to happen at that time and he was a gift sent from heaven.  Something about a new baby makes everyone happy no matter the circumstance and he was happiness for not only me but my whole family.  And boy did my mom love him!  

I have not blogged in so long, I have not posted all of his milestones like I got to with Chloe so I wanted to make a post  so I can have this to look back on.  He is eleven months now so it is long overdue.  

Mason is so much more active than I remember Chloe being.  He learned how to crawl at five months and I shit you not, he was climbing on his toys and standing on them.  At first, he did not want to have anything to do with walking.  I would stand him up and put my arms out to walk to me and he would and that was between 9 and 10 months but he would never do it on his own.  It was just too convenient to crawl and too much of an inconvenient to learn something new.  If it ain't broke, don't fix it right?!  But at 11 months, he decided to try this walking thing out and it is now it primary source of mobility!  It cracks me up, he will just walk  through the hallway with his toys in hand or a snack or bottle like he owns the place.  I love it!

One thing he loves is water.  If he hears the bath running, he will jet to the bathroom.  He loved it from day one.  I gave him a bath in the sink the other day because he was fussy.  I was about to cook dinner so I thought I would make him happy really quick so I could cook dinner without him on my leg.  It didn't work because as soon as I took him out, he was mad and wanted back in!

Another love of his is food.  This boy loves the eat.  This is a breath of fresh air since Chloe has a select list if food she will eat and it is a small one.  Is can't just be me but seeing your child eat and enjoy it makes me happy and makes me feel a good mom.  His favorites are peas, bananas, Lucky Charms, fries, baby cheetos, sweet potatoes, and really anything he can put in his mouth.  He attacked Chloe for her sucker when we were at the bank the other day and actually got a hold of it twice.  

A new thing that has been going on with him is his little temper.  I don't know if I would call it a temper but he gets so mad when he can't have what he wants.  Whether it is a toy, that sucker he wanted from his sissy, or not being able to go to the stairs, he doesn't mind making it known he doesn't like it.
  Even though he has a little attitude, he is the sweetest little boy and he loves his momma like no other.  When he falls, he looks to momma to comfort him.  We picked him up from staying all night with his Aunt and as soon as he saw me, he immediately started crying for me and had this look like where have you been?!  He will give me kisses one after another.

Our family feels so complete with our little Bubsy as we call him.  I always have said that I cannot believe how fast Chloe has grown but I can't remember like without her and I feel the exact same way about Mason.  

Chloe's Fourth Birthday

We got to have Chloe's birthday party on her actual birthday which was a first for her and made the day even more special.  Having my first baby turn four is so bittersweet.  On one hand, it makes me so sad like every other mom of course but I always go back to when she was first born and how bad I wish I could go back to that day.  But then again I am so proud of the little lady she is becoming.  Her personality is so big, she is caring, and she is so smart.  And I am not gonna lie, having a beautiful daughter makes a momma feel good too!  She makes me look good!  But regardless of her beauty and those beautiful curls, I want her to know she is enough and she can do ANYTHING she wants.  I remember on International Women's Day, she said to me, "Mommy....I wish I could take over the world."  Of course I told her she could and smiled from the inside out.  What a beautiful thing to hear from your child.

Now back to her birthday.  Her cousins Adrianna and Ayanna spent the night with us and Chloe got to wake up with her cousins and a little mini birthday party in the kitchen.  Eric brought home two gift bags.  One from his mom and my mom since they are no longer with us and that was one of my favorite moments of the day.  Her aunts Sug and Sarah were in town from California and she hadn't seen them since she was probably one and Chloe LOVED them.  We went to eat at a Mexican Restaurant that is our favorite and Chloe always asks to go eat chips and salsa here with her Pops which is Eric's dad so she was happy.  They even sang Happy Birthday to her and gave her a sombrero!

Chloe decided she wanted to go skating this year  so that is what we did.  It was the very first birthday my mom has not been here for since her passing so that made it feel off but her twin sister and her other sister was there so that made things better.  I was so amazed at how good Chloe did skating.  She skated around holding her friends and cousin's hands just skating around the rink like she had been doing it forever.  My heart melted.  She has been into Harley Quinn (which kind of disturbs me) and all the girl superheroes so we did that as the theme.

We have always had the tradition on every one of Chloe's birthdays to let off her birthday balloons for her Nan which is Eric's mother and her grandmother she was never able to meet.  This year we did it for her my mother as well.  My nieces did it with us and it was a special moment.

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Saying Yes More

It feels a little weird to be typing this blog because the last time I blogged was August last year.  Since my mom went into hospice in November and passed away, I just did not feel like doing much of anything but I am slowly getting back to the things I enjoy.  

Lately, I have been trying to make more of an effort to say yes when it comes to my children.  Mason of course can't ask for anything yet but Chloe has requests daily for everything from the park to doing her hair in different styles throughout the day.  I was thinking about how much I say no because not wanting to clean up afterwards or just simply not feeling like it and I realized the mess doesn't matter but what does is allowing my children to be children.  They are only little ones for a short period which goes by in a flash so I want them to do as much kid stuff as they can!  

Chloe wants to change her hair and outfit literally five times a day and at first, I would tell her no.  Laundry is not something I enjoy doing so I was completely against an extra four outfits per day in the laundry basket.  But it is a way she expressed herself and something she really enjoyed.  The last thing I want to do it prevent my child from doing things she loves because it would give me extra work.  What's another load of laundry per week in the scheme of things!?  Even though I will probably be talking stuff under my breath when no one is watching and I am knee deep in clothes on laundry day.  I put a laundry basket in her closet with all the clothes she can change in and out of daily mostly made up of hand me downs and older clothes.

There was also the time when she woke up at 6 in the morning the other day and said she wanted to have a surprise party for her daddy.  It wasn't his birthday and there was no reason to surprise him but I said yes and she had the best time.  We went to Dollar Tree and got party supplies and a little glow ball to give to him as a present and she was loving it.  We put a candle in a honey bun and sang him Happy Birthday.  He was really confused about the whole thing.  That was probably the highlight of it all!
I just feel like the reason I say no most of the time is because my own selfish reasons.  Don't get me wrong, being a mom is hard and when your child asks to play right after you swept the floor, it makes your skin crawl but there will be a day I will miss that.  And also, there are two futures in my hands which are my children's and how they turn out will depend on how I raise them and I want to make they remember all the experiences they had with their mother, even if it means throwing a pretend surprise party for a pretend birthday!